Warning: I can be sickeningly optimistic, and am rambling about the bright side in most of what follows. :)
Reflecting back on this year so far, I remember my resolution, or more specifically my word for the year (or however I put it). BALANCE. I feel as if I've been tested in keeping my life balanced more than ever lately. And I know that this is no new feat for all of you veteran parents out there, but let me just tell you, the struggle is real, ya'll.
It is really my strong belief at this point in my life that being happy and successful has a lot to do with BALANCE. (As cliche' as it might sound) Yes, there are a billion other factors, many of which are out of our control, but keeping a centered, solid ground between the extremes has served itself well for me thus far. Now, actually following through with this is the tough part.
This summer I've had the opportunity to catch up with so many friends that I just do not have time to stay in touch with during the school year. I LOVE reconnecting with these people, and I wish I had time to see them all more often. However, being a mom has also meant having to say "no" to some of these get-togethers. If you know me, you know that I'm somewhat (okay, a lot a bit) of a people-pleaser. It KILLS me to let people down. I hate backing out, or skipping out. I want to be everywhere at the same time. BUT, what I also hate is leaving my son. And so I'm learning that its OKAY to say no, and I have to step up and be honest when my family's needs are first.
I left Lucas for the first time overnight to visit some of my favorite ladies for a little trip to Nashville. We seriously laughed for 48 hours straight. I dragged my pump along with me (through security and all!-I'm also getting less self-conscious with age, ha!) and took and early flight home after a late night out, and it was so worth it! I love that I can go months, even years, without seeing these friends and can just pick up where we left off. These are true, lifelong friends, and I'm so grateful for this time that I had with them.
With some extra free time this summer, I was able to pick up running again. I forgot how gratifying a good run can be. Luckily, J goes into work a little later some days so I was able to squeeze in a run in the morning, or when it's cool enough, save a run for after Lucas goes to bed. It is definitely much harder to find the time, and motivation, to keep up my workouts with a baby, but I've found that I feel so much better when I make the time. I'm no where near where I'd like to be, but I'm getting better! I was surprised that I was able to run 2 miles straight (and very slow, mind you) pretty much immediately. I've done some longer (3-4 mile) runs with my mom (who is a rockstar, BTW) as well. I'd like to plan a 10K or possibly a half-marathon (oh man, did I just write that...) for the fall. But I'm also not going to kill myself to make it happen, so we'll see.
I officially started back to work today. It's tough being the newbie, but I really think I'm going to appreciate being closer to home and daycare. I also met so many new people that I love already. I've never been in a building that has been so gracious, warm and welcoming. It really feels right. Adjusting to leaving right away and figuring out how to get more work done is less time will be interesting, but it will be worth it... I think.
So yeah, daycare started today, too. TOUGH STUFF, peeps. Thankfully, J did the drop-off, which, in my opinion, is the hardest. When I picked Lucas up, I could tell he had a hard day. He only slept for 20 minutes, when its usually close to 4 hours. It will get better, right? Honestly, it kills me. I've already run all the "what if's" through my head, but I'm trying to convince myself that it will be good for both of us. I know he really likes interacting with other kids, and he just doesn't get that opportunity at home with me. I think I really like our daycare, too, so I know he will learn a lot and get lots of love. And selfishly? I really do like my job. It challenges me and pushes me in ways that I know will help me grow personally, and professionally. And practically? We're not really at a place financially to easily support our family on one income. (I warned you about trying to convince myself of the positives in this post...)
So, in my attempt to cohesively wrap up the randomness of this post, I'll continue with my efforts in seeking balance this year. Lots of veggies, but still some chocolate. A lot of work, but still good time for play. A clean house most of the time, but no stress over a mess. Lots of family, but time for friends, too.
Hope you're having a good week!
-m
